I have no Asian family. I have no Asian family tree...not a branch, not a twig, not even a leaf. I have no Asian roots.
All I have is my Asian face.
Still, I am an unlikely first-generation immigrant of sorts. I’m a Korean adoptee of unknown origins...found, fostered and foisted onto American soil, into the waiting arms of a caring, typically-Caucasian middle-class family. That makes me a product of a typically-Caucasian middle-class suburban upbringing, except – somehow – I don’t feel typical at all.
I am American. I have an American name. My official family tree says I spring from Scotch, Irish, and English stock.
I am Korean. I have a Korean name. But my adoption papers say I have no Korean family.
Which is real?
Sometimes this dichotomy makes me feel free, unfettered, unbound by convention. Sometimes it makes me feel confused, alone, dangerously ungrounded. I have never quite found my "place." Asians have rebuked me sharply for not responding in their native tongues. Other ethnicities – usually Caucasian – have cracked derogatory racist jokes in my presence, overlooking my Asian heritage because I "fit in" so well. World War II veterans have elbowed my husband knowingly and winked slyly, congratulating him on his choice of an Asian bride (I still haven’t figured that one out yet, but I suspect it has something to do with subservience). I exist between two worlds, but fit comfortably in neither.
So this is my immigration experience –
made in
Korea,
but assembled in the
United States.
This is really interesting to think about. It's just mind-boggling that some people still think it's "okay" to make jokes about race just because you "fit in."
In some ways it must be really neat to "cover the map", so to speak. But it must be confusing as well. I like you conclusion very much.
And has it really been 20 years since that book came out? Time for a re-read.
Posted by: Emily | April 30, 2009 at 03:55 PM
I'll confess that I posted this here because I needed this blog to link to another blog. If you'd like to read about other Asian American immigrant experiences, check out this link:
http://hyphenmagazine.com/blog/index.php
And if you want to follow the excerpts in depth, follow this link:
http://www.hyphenmagazine.com/blog/2009/04/the-joy-luck-hub-tell-us-your.html
I read The Joy Luck Club many years ago, and you're right...it's definitely time for a re-read. The story resonated very deeply for many of us in the Asian American community.
Thanks for your kind comments, Emily!
Posted by: Melinda | May 02, 2009 at 07:42 PM
Free
Unfettered
Shriven
Free-
Dream that what is dreamed will be:
Hold eyes clasped shut until they see,
And sing the silent prophecy-
And be
Unfettered
Shriven
Free.
~Stephen R. Donaldson
The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant,
The Unbeliever
Posted by: Pam | May 02, 2009 at 09:05 PM