The Summer of My Discontent

When I received the email outlining this month’s topic, I realized: Whoa!  I haven’t read anything of consequence so far this summer.  I don’t think Yoga Journals, newspapers, or airline magazines count.  Honestly, I can’t remember a period in my life where I’ve gone so long without devouring a book or two or three.

 

Very early in the summer, I did read one book (a friend’s recommendation): Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Ms. Gilbert’s story struck a major chord (in a bittersweet minor key) because I’m dealing with extraordinarily similar issues.  Unfortunately, unlike Ms. Gilbert, I don’t have massive savings stockpiled to support a pleasurable culinary trip to Italy, or a soul-searching stay in an Indian ashram, or a final respite with a healer in Bali.

 

But her reasons…ah yes, her reasons…

 

I, too, am facing divorce.  Like Ms. Gilbert, we’re divorcing for reasons that our closest friends have difficulty fathoming.  We don’t fight, we don’t argue.  We’re basically kind to each other.  Even the mediators questioned why we are parting because, on the surface, we’re exceptionally compatible.  We’ve maintained a harmonious relationship throughout the divorce proceedings – in fact, we’re more companionable now than ever before.  Consequently, our decision seems puzzling.

 

Those looking in from the outside don’t know about the churlish snapping at each other, or the weary plodding through for the sake of the family, or the loneliness of being unable to bridge our vast distances.  And like Ms. Gilbert, I’ve spent too many late nights alone and questioning while my family slept.  I’ve battled self-recrimination and the demons that whispered I needed to stop wishing and whining, and then we could be happy.  It was only when my husband admitted to similar feelings that we finally took our first steps towards achieving peace and happiness for both of us.

 

So instead of reading on the dock, this summer has been devoted to dealing with practicalities: wending our way through mediation and parenting classes, plowing through court documents, disentangling our joint holdings, looking for a place to live.  He spent an irritating six weeks refinancing the house into his name.  And five weeks ago, I tendered an offer on a short-sale condominium that remains locked with the lender’s negotiator, keeping me nervous and slightly on edge.  A traumatic layoff at work – decimating half of our tiny department – sent me into a bit of a tailspin, too.

 

Sprinkled throughout the summer has been occasional weekend travel.  And in early August, I'll be flying to South Korea with 30 other adoptees to visit the places of my beginnings and to put out feelers for my birth family.  So I’ve been trying to plan and pack and steel myself mentally for that. A few days ago, my husband casually tossed out the glaringly obvious question: what will I do or how will I feel should I actually meet my birth family?  Surprisingly – stupidly, really – until he asked, it never occurred to me that I could possibly meet them, given the fact that I was abandoned with absolutely no records.  But he’s right; it could happen.  It has happened to other adoptees I know.  So now…more fodder for my already-overloaded brain.

 

And I admit to ennui and inertia for much of the summer.  Too many changes have crowded into my head space, jockeying for prominence.  There are too many thoughts living there, both positive and negative.  Too many dreams.  Too much hope; too much doubt.  Too much strength; too much neediness.  Plus, when I arrive home weary from 11 hours as an overdressed professional, all I want to do is crawl into my pajamas and escape into my writing and my (admittedly excessive) online socializing.  Cooking, cleaning, thoughtful reading, packing, even chatting on the phone (which requires inflection) – all those seem like too much effort these days.

 

It sounds like I’m making excuses.  And I am.  We’re only halfway through the summer.  There’s still time to unplug and settle down with a good book.  Suggestions, anyone?

Comments

[Sally]

I enjoyed that book too. You have a great deal of courage to step up and embrace what you know and want.

Good luck on your trip!

[FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com]

You are making me want to read the book now

I keep hearing great things about the book. The only thing is that I'm trying to be a minimalist, so buying a book to add to the clutter sort of goes against the grain.

If only I had an ebook reader! Or an easily accesible English library.. *sigh*

Thanks for the reco though. I'll put it on my list :D

[Susan]

Wow. I didn't know any of that about you.

I read *America, America* and really enjoyed it. If you're looking for something really light but enjoyable, try *The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.*

Good luck on your journeys. I'll look forward to hearing about them.

[Mara Schiff]

Melinda - I met you (saw, really) at Beki and Sunyata's wedding today and found your page through your pictures of the wedding. More to the point, your writing here is beautiful, honest and vulnerable, and I so appreciate it. Makes me wish we had spent some more time talking (but, as you may or may not have noticed, my 6 year-old son kept me rather busy). I hope we get another chance. As to books: #1: The Help, by Kathryn Stockett - magnificent book about pre-civil rights America in Mississippi, from the perspective of the maids; #2: Committed, also by Elizabeth Gilbert - all about what marriage is and isn't - reading that one now. #3: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and it's 2 sequels. Great reads.

Hope we meet again soon.
Laxmi Ma